When financial transparency breaks down
When Varsha Gohil discovered her husband’s affair, she immediately filed for divorce. In the settlement that followed, she accepted £270,000. Only later did she discover he had hidden his £28m fortune from her.
It took a 23-year legal battle, but Gohil was finally awarded £6.6m last month. Many women have very different outcomes. I’ve spent a lot of time recently with other professionals discussing ways to encourage both partners — male and female — to engage with the family finances.
All have their horror stories of couples who have failed to communicate transparently about money and the shocking discoveries that have followed.
One tells the story of the wife of a lower-league football agent facing divorce. It was painful, but she knew she would be fine financially — they lived in a home worth over £2m in today’s money. Then she discovered her husband had run up the equivalent of nearly £1m in credit card and bank loans. Another woman, recently widowed, discovered her husband had left her insolvent.
At the start of a divorce process, Amanda Glass, an experienced divorce consultant, asks for an outline of the family’s finances and assets and any mortgages on the property.
“Sometimes a client won’t know the answer, so we need to check the position at the Land Registry — our findings often come as a shock to them,” she says.
The couple’s gross position might be two holiday homes, a flat in London and a house in Hampshire. Take away the debt and borrowing, and they might be left with enough for a small cottage each.
Why both partners need a voice
Division of labour in a household makes sense — we do the jobs we prefer. And it’s fine for one partner to lead on paying bills and finding the best deals. But when it comes to the big decisions, this requires both partners. Yet it is still common for one — often the woman, and especially with older couples — to retreat from meetings with their financial advisers.
If you’re the person who “does” the finances, are you missing out because your partner is not engaging? Are you feeling the burden of responsibility? And are you making the best decisions?
Dr Ylva Baeckström, a senior lecturer in finance at King’s Business School and a couples therapist, has positive news for those who make a joint effort. “Money can be a channel for deepening your relationship,” she says. “Research shows that couples who have shared bank accounts, jointly plan spending and savings enjoy more relationship satisfaction and less financial conflict than less financially integrated couples.”
Starting the conversation
If one of you has managed affairs, meeting advisers on their own for many years, how do you put your financial relationship on a new footing?
This isn’t just an issue if couples divorce. And I recognise there are situations where there is financial abuse or control, which requires a very different approach.
But for those looking to become more engaged, or persuade their partner to, I would suggest starting by discussing how each of you would manage if the other died or was incapacitated. If you take the financial lead, tell your partner you’re worried about how they’d handle things without you.
All couples should have powers of attorney arrangements in place in case something dreadful happens. These enable banks, for instance, to know who has authority to make decisions and pay bills in the event of incapacity. If you do not have one in place, you should.
If it was done years ago, it should probably be reviewed. This is a good opportunity for establishing together what you’ve got and where.
Making big decisions together
Buying a holiday home or a new house? Children about to start schooling? Both partners need to be comfortable with these big decisions and aware of the implications for the rest of your money, so take that opportunity.
From next April, pensions will no longer be protected from inheritance tax. This is forcing many older couples to start giving money to their children earlier than expected — another chance for a reset. Decisions like these should only be made with both partners fully understanding the benefits and risks.
Planning around life, not just money
A good financial planning session can feel like relationship counselling sometimes. The meeting should start with what both partners want from life — what their priorities are. It’s amazing how often, with guidance and prompting, these meetings can end in couples making life-changing, life-enhancing decisions together.
I had one client who told her entrepreneur husband she was fed up with him continuing to work when our analysis showed they patently did not need to. She wanted his company, not his business! By the time she had finished he was fired with excitement about her travel dreams, where they might go and working out how to retire.
The best plans also address the concerns of both partners — like you or your partner losing your job, or markets turning and your savings being hit.
It is never too late to reset
Never be embarrassed about not having these conversations sooner. Think of this as less about money and more about time and priorities — how you want to spend the rest of your lives, individually and together, how you want to support those you love, and what you need for that to happen. Money makes this possible and both of you need to be part of the discussion.
Shirley Coe is a senior private banker at Weatherbys Private Bank, with extensive international experience advising high-net-worth individuals and families on banking, lending, investments and wealth planning. A passionate advocate for women and financial empowerment, she leads Weatherbys’ Women and Finance initiative, helping women build greater confidence, engagement and control over their financial futures.
Featured on the Financial Times website on 18th July 2026: Does your financial relationship with your partner need a reset?